The Downsized Diaries

Shout-out to Eleana Cantor at the wondeful blog/movement that is BlogHer for linking to The Downsized Diaries in her post

Layoffs: The Fallen, The Survivors, The Next Victims.

Downsized Diaries: My Final Performance Evaluation

My ‘video diary’ entry immediately after my final performance evaluation at my soon-to-be-former company.

Spent  a good part of the day at a friend’s house job searching online. On the way up her steps, I tripped, fell headlong and skinned up both knees pretty bad. I have not done that since childhood, and the pain was so intense at first I had to just lay there for a minute and let it subside. Despite being a good friend I’ve know for years, I didn’t tell her of my spill. Somehow in my mind I equated my fall with a failure, on top of my “failure” in the job world, and I didn’t want to be a pain.  I sat there and “suffered in silence” for 3 hours, praying the blood wouldn’t seep through my slacks. (It never seemed to hurt this bad when I fell off my bike as a kid.)

Without being melodramatic, I think today’s minor embarrassment is a metaphor for the feelings that people can encounter when laid off.  Something happens to you totally out of your control, yet you blame yourself, beat yourself up, do a number on your self-confidence. Rather than reach out for support,you choose to suffer in silence.

To all those out there experiencing layoffs, it is not a reflection of you, its not your fault. It can’t change your character, your nature, your spirit, unless you allow it to.

Off to apply more triple antibiotic cream…